“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” — Stephen Covey
In our world, listening with the intent to reply has become the norm. Rarely, do we listen with the intent to understand. When someone makes a point that seems counterintuitive to us, our immediate reaction is to disprove that person and show how smart and intelligent we are. We want to, consciously or not, identify a winner in the discussion. This often leads to conflict at the cost of mutual growth. We end up talking at each other, not with each other.
The better way to listen is to follow the intent of understanding. Instead of disproving a point, we could simply try to understand how the other person comes to their belief. Instead, we could try to truly understand what makes them think that way. And consider their perspective genuinely freed from any bias or prejudice. This does not only allow us to improve our understanding of the world and perhaps learn a thing or two along the way but also does it make space for the development of you and the person you are talking with.
We need to be careful to not be blinded by our seemingly “correct” views of reality and start to listen with the intent of understanding. To me, this is the only path conversation should take. Carefully considering the other side. Attempting to understand what makes them think the way they do. And finally, arguing from a point of mutual understanding.